


Edgelords and turtles

by Ziril



Series: Ziril's half baked Toku au ideas [1]
Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, Kamen Rider Gaim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziril/pseuds/Ziril
Summary: Houjou Emu loved his part time job at his animal shelter. Fact. The animal shelter attracted a very colourful array of customers. Also fact.But he has to admit, new Emo-Cryptyd-Edgelord-Secret-Turtle-Lover is starting to become one of his most memorable clients yet.
Relationships: Houjou Emu/Kumon Kaito
Series: Ziril's half baked Toku au ideas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723234
Comments: 13
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFreeJoker42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFreeJoker42/gifts).



> I have no idea where I'm going with this. But I'm GOING WITH IT! I did too much turtle research not too!
> 
> Edited: fixed some spelling here and there and added some lines.

Emu yawned, tapping his pen against his chin. Or cheek. He couldn't really tell at this point, everything was kinda blurry. He looked over his checklist one final time, double-checking every single task that was written down. Animal food? Organized, and neatly lined up on the shelves. The new puppies? Had all been nursed, and had played to their little hearts' content with the tennis balls that Takumi-san, the very silent employee from the laundromat down the street had donated. Parad was taking care of the rodents (and also probably covered under a mountain of them while he played Tetris as per usual) Nico was taking their new, unruly, un-named, and if the way her eyes lit up when she looked at her was any indication, soon to be homed black cat for a stroll around the block…..….huh.

"You know what Kotone? I think we might actually have this place standing when Yamato gets back." Emu smiled at the terrarium he put across the reception desk. 

"Took us half an hour and an absurd amount of time in the broom closet, but we did it!"

Kotone responded as she always did, munching on her food, almost burying her head in the bowl and tipping it over. Heh. Classic Kotone.

Kotone was a sweet itty bitty little Russian Tortoise an acquaintance of an acquaintance allegedly rescued from a murdered conspiracy theorist and explicitly gave to him to be responsible for.

He...still isn't sure what the _exact_ details were. But he assumed from the smirk Takizawa-san gave when he asked him, like any reasonable person would, that he _really_ wouldn't want to know either way.

Morbid possible origin story aside, she was a pretty average tortoise. Small and sweet and always very very eager to eat. He giggled and tipped her bowl back, giving her a little scritch as he did, cooing as she wiggled happily.

He may have gotten. A bit attached. He carefully poured her more food in her bowl. Just a smidge. He adjusted her specially made Mighty Action X themed lamp _just_ so. A tiny bit. He cooed while Kotone wiggled happily as she ate. He doesn't have to confess to anything. If anyone asked he treated all of their animals equally and lovingly and he _did_. He tried to spend as equal attention to all of them as he could.

But really. Kotone's happy tail wiggles when you scratch her shell is the most _precious thing in the world._ Who can blame him for getting fond really? _No one._ That's who.

The tell tale sound of the shelter's bell stopped his musings. Emu straightened his shoulders and put on his best 'fluffy and makes old people want to pinch his cheeks' customer service smile.

"Welcome! How can I help…..you?" Emu blinked at the decidedly empty space in front of him. 

"Huh that's weird. You hear anything girl?" 

Kotone munched.

"Hmm. Maybe I'm more tired than I thought I was-"

"Emuuuuuuuuuuu, Emuuuuuuu we're baaaack!" Nico's voice boomed.

"-gah! Oh god." Emu put a hand to his heart before sighing with a smile. "Hello Nico. How was the walk?"

He stole a glance to their newest rescue. Or as Parad liked to call her feral murder kitty. She was an old girl, scars running across her fine black coat, tail clipped from when she'd been rescued from a rock slide. Nico immediately took a shining to her and as of today,she was still the only person the cat deemed worthy enough of her presence.

"Pretty good, Chloe almost fought a racoon it was sick." She grinned her trademark devil may care grin. "Oh and there's some kinda emo edgelord cryptyd dude here again, should I call the cops?" Nico said placing the cat-Chloe now he supposes-on the reception desk and rubbed her cheek against her fur.

Ahhhh so someone _did_ come in. Emu walked over to them and started to scratch behind the cat's ears, careful not to get bitten.

"Nico you can just call him Kino-sensei, we've all met before. Besides I think one of his…... kids?" Emu squinted in thought. He was never quite sure how the calm, stern doctor who came here on occasion to look at puppies and donate treats was acquainted with the, er, less stern and _much_ less calm officer Hikawa who passed them lost pet posters on his way to work. _"Is_ a cop so I doubt that'll work." 

The cat mewled as he scratched and Kotone continued to munch. It was a pretty quiet day at Paws to Scales animal shelter, Emu mused. Quiet enough that their esteemed and benevolent manager, Yamato, deemed it safe to do some errands and to leave them all in charge for the day. And so far everything's been going well for them. No fires or western stand-off duels to the death for ownership of a dog yet. (The results of which he was still contractually forbidden to speak of ) And only one person came in without him noticing. New record!

"No-hey! Nooooo Chloe quit it, I'm trying to talk to Emu about possible criminal intruders!-" Nico laughed as Chloe started to paw at her cheeks. "-the other emo cryptid dude! You know, the one with the edgelord vibes and the fancy shounen rival coat?" 

"The fencing dude who adopted Lance and Needle with no sense of personal space or the orange guy who shoved the box of constellation themed pet sweaters into Emu and made a run for it last week?" Parad asked, popping his head out from the rodent room, eyes still glued to his switch and a pair of rats on his shoulders.

Emu hopes it was the later, those were really nice sweaters. Very soft. They found a bunch of kittens in the box the very next day so obviously they were _quality_ stuff.

~~and also fencing dude was terrifying~~

"Nah, it's a new guy, red and black coat, hey Parad! Jot that down on the list!" Nico answered back before scrunching up her nose. "…..We have a weird ass customer base."

Emu shrugged. He had to deal with the man who insisted that he could talk to the fish when he touched water. Not like he could argue with that. 

Red and black coat... red and black coat…

"You mean the guy who was crouching at the turtle tanks yesterday and ran away when Yamato tried to talk to him?"

In the background, Parad took this moment to wave his extra Switch controllers in the air in his daily attempt to get them to play Mario Kart with him before slinking back to his rat coven.

"Yup! Emo clown clothes dude." Nico said, pointing her thumb back to their reptile area. "I mean like, turtles, I get it but it's getting kinda weird-oh Parad he's a runner put that on the list!"

Curiosity lit, Emu looked into the room and saw thier 'criminal intruder' a man, probably his age, crouching down at a turtle tank. There wasn't anything _too_ strange about him, other than his, admittedly emo looking, red and black get up.

That was a very nice coat though. He doesn't know how he isn't sweating buckets in it but it's a nice coat all the same.

Huh. Now that Emu is taking a closer look at him...does he…?

"Nico does he have one of our tanks under his arm?" Emu squinted.

Nico was squinting as much as he was. "Yeah no that's the _weird_ part. I think he came in with it."

Alright then he was either a very un-subtle turtle thief or he didn't know they usually procided containers for transport. "Did you tell him we can't give him any reptiles until we have someone check his setup at home?"

Nico wrinkled her nose. "Heck no. I talked to the _last_ emo weirdo who came in here, I don't get paid enough to handle two a week. Fraid it's your turn." Giving a slap on the shoulder as a goodbye, Nico picked up Chloe and walked away.

"Fine, fair enou-Wait wasn't that just Taiga-" Aaaaaand she's gone. He hears the tell tale sound of Mario Kart starting up. Well that was probably the last he's going to see of her and Parad all day.

Shaking his head, Emu stretched his arms and gave one last scritch to Kotone before he started to walk towards new emo-customer. The potential customer. That's most certainly not a cryptid. Probably not a cryptid. Cryptids probably don't go into animal shelters.

Emu made a mental note to get more friends. Prolonged exposure to the Seito University's resident memelords probably hasn't been good for him.

Well whoever the most-likely-not-a-cryptid was, he seemed quite enamored with the few turtles they had. He was practically pressing his face against one of the tanks mouth just slightly open as one of their stinkpot turtles-Miko he thinks-waddle up a rock to bask in the light.

He was also, Emu bemusedly noted, wearing very fancy pants indeed. The pinstripes contrasted _very_ starkly against the cheerful interior of the shelter.

Eh whatever. He, clearly, looks like he wants a turtle and that's all that matters. Emu smiled his 'I'm harmless and discreet, don't be shy!' Smile that he used specifically for this kind of clientele.

"Hello! Are you looking for a turtle?" 

The man yelped and fell a bit backwards in surprise with an amount of grace Emu has never seen before in his life. 

(Maybe he is a cryptid. Who falls like that and what class can he take to learn how?)

As graceful at it was Emu still winced and sheepishly held out his hand to the-okay-might-be-a cryptid. "Ah sorry did I surprise-"

The man coughed into his hand and hastily scrambled to get up. 

"I was just looking." He said quickly. He coughed again turning his head away from Emu.

He pointedly looked away from the turtles as if they personally offended him with their presence. He even shuffled away a few steps which was a bit much in his opinion.

Emu raised an eyebrow and stared at the tank still neatly tucked under the stranger's arm and the assortment of turtle products jostled inside it. He isn't sure why not-a cryptid-emo brought all of his equipment _here_ instead of setting it up at home but it was still nice to see someone try to be prepared.

The man quickly hid the tank behind him still avoiding eye contact and putting an aloof 'I'm wearing majority black clothes and not speaking so I'm better than you' kind of expression.

"These aren't mine." He says gesturing to the tank, voice dark and gravely and full of authority.

Well that was a lie.

Emu answered, pushing down the laugh trying to escape his throat. "Right, right of course." He tries his hardest to sound beliavble.

That didn't seem to be enough for their latest cryptyd. He bristled and glared and looked at him with the deepest of deep contempt. "I'm holding these for-" he stops in his track seeming to struggle for words,"-for a….friend."

The moment he said the word 'friend' he grimaced, shoulders drooping. But with another cough, he then promptly stared back at Emu with cold brown eyes haughtily, _daring him_ to say otherwise.

"....Sure. A friend of course." Emu nods. "So...does your _friend_ want a turtle?" He can't quite stop the tug of his lips as he asks. 

".........No." The emo-cryptid-not-a-customer-apprently did another 90⁰ turn and started to briskly walk away with his tank not looking back for a second.

Well. Okay then. Emu curiously stared at the more-of-an-edgelord's back as he walked away. That did _not_ go the way he thought it would. Usually their emo-edgelord customers used that excuse to pick up info on specific animals they wanted to adopt. This was new. Not exactly the _weirdest_ thing he ever saw from someone probably just embarrassed about looking at cute animals.

(He briefly remembers the 'fencing dude' a, man in all black that adopted a pair of cats from them two weeks ago pressing his forehead against his and pointedly saying that if he ever told a soul that this happened he'd cut him with the fencing sabre he brought in.)

Nope. Not the weirdest by a longshot. But still pretty strange.

He walked back to Kotone.

"That was something huh girl?" He muses refilling he water bowl. "Think we'll see him again?"

Kotone responded as she always did.

With a munch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They did in fact see him again.

Normally Emu's shelter day routines started like this, he woke up, played some Mighty Action X as he walked to the shelter, start  _ running _ when he realized he got distracted while playing and was 30minutes late, arrived to the shelter out of breath and said hi to all the little animals waking up, checking them all to make sure no one had any little tumbles or accidents during the night. Met whoever had the night shift and took over from whoever it was. Then he woke up Parad. Parad was just always inescapably there at the shelter during opening hours, surrounded by rodents and rabbits and the occasional lizard. He joked once that he slept there more than his own apartment.   
  
(At this point, Emu did not think that was a joke.)   
  
After all that, he and Parad set up shop, waited till Nico or Yamato or someone else came in, they all enjoyed a little alone time with their favourites they're not supposed to have but still do, and then business as usual for the rest of the day, helping people, taking care of the animals and cleaning as the day goes.   
  


Today was different for a number of reasons.   
  
For one-he holds back a yawn as he moves a box- _ he _ was on night duty today. Yesterday. Whatever the proper wording was.

Good news is he isn't late.  _ "Finally _ opening time Kotone." He smiles, gently putting his-the. The poor tortoise because she's not  _ his,  _ (yet) down to her terrarium.

He smiles as his little friend starts crunching on her lettuce. "Now we just gotta wait till someone else comes here." He checks the time with a hum. 

For another, Parad isn't here because he's sleeping at his own house for the first time in 4-5 weeks. Which, obviously good for him, but that also meant more work for  _ Emu _ till Nico got here.

Which should be any moment now-he looks at the door and smiles when he sees a shadow. He takes his clipboard, checklist already made, today's gonna be a good day-

"Good morning Ni-"

Emu blinked as he met with a red vest. Nico didn't wear vests.

"-co…."

He looks up and meets a steely gaze-that is  _ not  _ Nico's-Oh god he's nearly nose to nose with a stranger's face-

"I'm  _ so _ sorry, I didn't mean-" Emu jumps away skittishly, voice cracking.

"Are you open?" A voice says with a bit of gravely tone.

"...Yes?" Technically, "Kinda? I'm just opening up but-" Why did that voice sound familiar?

Wait, vest, dark glowery voice-murdery gaze that kinda reminds him of Taiga after two night shifts in a row.

"...new cryptid edgelord?"

"...What?" Emo-cryptid-shonen rival edgelord looked at him put out.

Oh god he said that aloud. Emu shakes his head and nervously smiles. "No-sorry, I meant nice to see you again! Are you here to look at the turtles?"

The man  _ freezes.  _ And in that moment-Emu shall swear up and down that he saw horror flash in his eyes. They were the most emotive thing about the man, and they looked horrified.

"....are you okay sir?"

"....You're mistaken." Emo-Crptyd-Secret-Turtle-Lover dashed away into the shelter nearly knocking Emu over.

"Emu? You okay?" Nico's voice calls out and he looks up and she's in her galaxy print glory holding up her hand.

He takes it and just massages his head when he gets up. "Hi-yeah I'm fine just-" He points to the...very skittish man just squatting down behind one of their turtle tanks, his head barely visible from the glass.

"Oh. So new Emo edgelord's here again?" 

"...yeah I guess?" Emu answers unsure.

"....are you even done organizing the place?" Nico raises an eyebrow.

"It'll...it's fine he's not causing any trouble-He'll leave in a bit, he doesn't seem to like people that much." Emu sighs.

* * *

He did not leave. 

"So he's still here?" He casually says to Nico while cleaning with a rag, nearly burning a hole in Kotone's glittering terrarium.

"Yup." Nico answers, trying to avoid being in the same line of sight of whatever new edgelord's name was. 

"What does that make? 2 hours?" Usually, they didn't mind people staying around and staring at animals that much. A lot of people gathered around and stared at their animals and so long as they weren't actively bothering anyone or got into people's way, they just let them be.

But. Well. Okay he admits it, the Eo-cryptd-secret-turtle-loving man (he has  _ got _ to stop calling him that) was goddamn intimidating. When one hasn't seen him staring adoring at turtles for hours. Which meant any customers they were getting were giving the turtle area a wide berth, which meant the general reptile area,  _ his _ area (okay his and Graphite's but Graphite was still in Hawaii with Kiriya so for now it's  _ his)  _ was basically desolate besides  _ one _ person. Who's giving  _ them _ the wide berth and  _ glaring _ . 

"It's better than last time. He was here the whole day yesterday. I think he got there before I  _ opened the shelter _ ." Nico mused.

"Huh that's-Wait  _ what?"  _ Emu nearly shouts, dropping his rag.

"Emu!" Nico shushed him with a glare before making binoculars with her hands. "The target could hear us."

Emu nearly screams. But he doesn’t. He’s calm, he's  _ calm. _ So he pulls Nico down under the counter.  _ Calmly. _

"You think he broke in and you didn't tell anyone?!" Emu whispered aghast.

"It was the weekend! I didn't get paid enough to care!"

"Nico!"

"Shhhhhh! You'll spook him. You have to treat an edgelord delicately. They are but lone, sad, skittish kittens unable to comprehend loud noises and social interaction."

"....Nico. Just because your cousin is…..easy to surprise doesn't mean everyone who wears black is a scared, scared little animal." Emu clenches his eyes and takes a deep breath. "He was there before you opened the doors? Why didn't you say something?!'

"Nah the dude's harmless. I checked everything out and the only thing he did was stare at the turtles all day. He didn't do anything but prove that he was capable of being a criminal intruder. And his kind are an endangered species, be nice to him." She puts on a mock accent and starts  _ narrating.  _ "We see the creature in a foreign atmosphere, this happens oh so rarely with their kind, but this habitat has been known to be attractive to them."

Emu patiently takes a deep breath. He trusts Nico. He knows if Nico thought Emo-Cryprid _ -Intruder- _ Man was dangerous he would  _ not _ have tried getting into the shelter again. But. But still. "... why are you spying on him if you think he's harmless?

_ "Because _ I just finished wrangling a herd-or a  _ pride _ or whatever you call a bunch of mewling, nursing kittens and I forgot my Switch charger like a goddamn rookie Emu. I need  _ enrichment _ ."

"...and narrating someone you think broke into our shelter like a nature documentary is enrichment?"

"Yes?" Nico blinks. "Obviously?

….Emu doesn't know what he's feeling. It's an  _ emotion _ . He knows that. It's a facepalming emotion so he does that.

"Sides." Nico hums. "Poppy's been looking for people for her Casual Kei apprecion blog thing. I think he fits the bill? He looks decent enough."

Emu looks up from the counter tiredly. They had a good side profile of the man. His haid was swept to the side, all wavy and funnily enough, warm looking. He wasn't wearing his coat, he noticed. Just the vest and a black shirt and the pinstripe pants that  _ still _ looked  _ way _ too expensive to wear at a shelter. Emu cocks his head. Nice legs if he was being honest.

"...I need a nap. Nico-just go take a mario kart break, you can borrow mine, it's in my backpack."

"You are a good soul Emu. Document the fancy vest one for me in my stead."

…….why are all his friends like this? Emu shakes his head. "I need to meet normal people."

He hears a crunch to his side and snorts a laugh. Kotone is looking at him with those little eyes in an almost offended way. "Not you Kotone." He coos and gently pats her shell-might be molting soon. "You shall always remain my most normal friend. That doesn't sound like much, but it used to be Hiiro." He coos quietly, whispering 'pretty girls and 'good turt's under his breath. "You'd tell me if someone broke in during night shift? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?"

After a moment or two of cooing, he hears a sound and pops his head up, probably a parent-oh god they made eye contact.

It wasn't a parent, it was the guy, Emo-Cryptid-Secret-Turtle-Lover was in his country away from the turtles. And they made  _ eye contact _ . After Emu  _ checked out his legs oh god. _

For a split second-they made eye contact again-and. He saw something in the other man's eyes.

Was it understanding?

Was it judgement?

He hopes it wasn't judgement he can take a lot of things from this guy but  _ hypocrisy _ is not one of them.

They stayed like that for a bit.

"...." Emu stayed silent.

"...."

Emo-cryptid-secret-turtle-lover stayed silent.

Kotone munched her lettuce and waddled around innocent and unaware.

"Hello-" Emu tries

"Is that your only one?"

"I'm sorry what-"

"That turtle-"

"Oh tortoise actually-"

"Why isn't it with the others-"

They both stop and state. Emu at the ceiling and Emo-Cryptid-Secret-Turtle-Lover as per usual at an animal. He should take tomorrow off. This was getting way too awkward for him. No no-Emu be strong, 

"So-"

"Is it yours?"

Emu shuffled. "Um kinda? No. I. Uh. A friend of mine took it to the shelter and asked me to look after it? So it-she's...the shelter's just... _ my _ responsibility?"

"...hmm. So she's adoptable?"

"....yes." And Emu...might. Might have said that with the tiniest not of hesitance. Because. Kotone  _ was _ his favorite, he admits it. She's his favourite animal, his favourite part of coming to the shelter. And he doesn't really wanna part with her and her happy little face that much but. At all. But.He's a college student living in a tiny apartment with no pets allowed, it wouldn't be fair to her. "Yes...she is. Are you intrested in taking her home with you?" He plasters on a smile. He can at least drill the guy for Kotone's sake. Make sure he's capable of giving her the best-because she deserves the best.

"You're too transparent with your weakness."

"...I'm sorry?"

"If you want something, assert your strength. Don't be weak and let it slip through your fingers." The man says voice firm with an air of superiority that Emu's getting pretty tired of, eyes steely once again.

Emu bristles at that and glares. He doesn't know if that was encouragement or mocking but he's too tired to deal with it."Look-If you're not gonna do anything besides lecturing me and staring at turtles-you can just leave y'know."

The man  _ smirks. _ Which Emu guesses was supposed to be cool. Like the memories of him stalking turtles was supposed to be erased because of that.

"Hm. You have some fire within you." 

"...and you're kinda irritating." He says aloud still just  _ done _ . Just absolutely done.

The man snorts and does the whole shonen anime rival walk out. Jerk.

Emu slowly turns to Kotone voice serious.

"...Kotone. I love you a lot. Please bite him the next time he sees you. For me. I won't get mad."

Kotone ignores him in favour of her newly filled water bottle

Emu sighs and chuckles amd gently rubs Kotone's shell. Well at least he doesn't have to see Emo-Cryptid-Seceet-Turtle-Lover.  _ outside _ the shelter.

* * *

Emu decides needs more sleep he's getting delusional-

"You! Come with me."

"You're real!?"

"Follow me, goddamn it." The very real Emo-Might-Actually-Be-Cryptid-Man-Cause-HOW growled.

"Wait what?" Emu struggles not to fall while being dragged-his would be captor silent and harried. Emu feels his jaw go slack with disblief.

This is  _ not _ how he wanted to spend his day off.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello to everyone reading this thing I published in april and just updated now! I'd say I'd had an excuse but um. *Makes a general motion to everything*  
> Yeah. Happy new year!

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna do a bit more with the Kaito interactions, but he had other ideas. Clearly.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
